2 years

2 years ago today was one of the worst days of my life. I wish I was to a point that I could use today to remember all the happy times but all I could do today was think, 2 years ago today at this time I was sitting in a hospital getting the worst news ever. 2 years ago today at this time I was waiting for Brandon to fly in. 2 years ago today I was thinking that life will never be the same. And it hasn't. I still wait for her to call me. I still almost call her on almost a weekly basis. I am constantly thinking, oh she would have loved...(mostly things to do with my kids) Or when we talk about going on a cruise and we wonder who will watch the kids, I still get angry that I can't offer someone on my side of the family. I'm still angry. It still hurts. The rest of the year I tend to put my feelings aside and think that there's nothing I can do. But today, when the members of my family that also have a hard time with today call me and remind me, it stays at the front of my mind. All day. So this is how I deal. I close up. The good intentions of doing a balloon launch and thinking of how much I love her and miss her? Gone. I'm over it. Maybe next year I'll be able to handle it better. I wish I had gone home to Washington like I had originally planned. At least then I would have had people around me who feel the same way I do. Instead I was here, running errands and making meals and chasing kids.

It's funny how you think that because something's going on in your world that everyone else should know about it and feel like you do. But they don't. And life goes on. The world doesn't end because you lost someone. And it shouldn't. But it still hurts, and you kind of want it to. To remember.

I love you Mom, I miss you. I can't wait to see you again.

I may have started a war...

For those of you who don't know, our apartment complex had a large grassy area in front of it that the kids from the neighborhood like to use as well to play in. They also like to use our parking garage, our deck, our upper walk ways....anyways. Also, the entire neighborhood like to cut across our yard instead of walking around the corner on the sidewalk, wearing a nice path right through the grass. Nice.

So I was trying to herd my children into the van, which was proving quite a task since there were several other kids outside at the time when a group of boys came walking through. I took no notice of them until I heard a few of the choice words they were using. Normally I wouldn't say anything, especially to a group this large with boys aging from 8 to probably 14, but I was already having a hard time controlling my temper with my kids so I yelled at them to watch their mouths while on our property.

Well they all looked pretty surprised and sorry and continued walking away with their heads down, truly sorry for having cursed in our presence. I felt rather good, like an adult. I felt like they took me seriously and that we wouldn't be having any more problems with swearing from them. And then, just as they were nearing the edge of the yard, they yell as a group F*$# YOU!!! And then run for it, continuing a steady stream of obscenities until they're out of hearing range. Great.

Oh, did I mention that in being apartment #1 we get the privilege of a weekly water balloon to our front window, which faces the street? Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure that the culprit(s) of those were in that group, and I'm also pretty sure we'll be getting more than one a week from now on.
Anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? Cause I think I may have inadvertently bitten off more than I can chew.

On another note, all of my pictures and videos got deleted off my phone, including videos of Haylie crawling for the first time, Henry's preschool graduation, and all the pictures I took during our last week with my mom. So that's why there haven't been any pics attached to recent posts. But I'm trying to be better about bringing the camera along and using it so hopefully we'll have something for you soon!

Wanna hear a funny (and embarassing) story???

Yeah, so, this morning we had to be to a brunch at 10:00 so I told Brandon I needed to take a shower before he left because, as most mothers of young children know, getting a shower in every day is a luxury. So I took my shower and Brandon left so I started getting ready while the kids watched tv. I had to, you know, use the bathroom so I'm in there, doing my thing and I hear running and doors opening and I figure it's just the kids getting a little rowdy so I don't worry. Until Henry comes in and tells me that Caius, our neighbor, is here to play. Which means the front door has been opened. So I scramble out of my room to see Caius' mother standing in my living room acting worried. Then my phone rings and it's my other neighbor calling to see where I was and make sure I'm okay. Apparently Henry "couldn't find me" so he went outside and sent all of the neighbors on a man hunt. Great. And the best part is is that Caius' dad was the one to discover where I was by going into our room and seeing the light and fan on in the water closet and sent Henry in to get me. Nice. Luckily they're moving today and I won't ever have to look him in the eye again.

Bring on the boobs!

So usually when I'm laying in bed at night waiting for sleep to come, I think about what happened during the day and if I should blog about it. Last night I had a whole blog post written in my head and my last thought was, "Now all I have to do is remember this in the morning". Well guess, what? I forgot. I'm pretty sure it had to do with breastfeeding though.

When I was trying to decide whether or not/how long to breastfeed Hunter, it was hard, especially in those first couple of weeks when, for me at least, it is excruciating and I want to quit all day every day. Brandon would try to convince me that once it quit hurting, I loved breastfeeding Haylie and I should just keep at it. I still don't remember ever loving breastfeeding Haylie. I think it's funny how everyone says breastfeeding is so convenient. Really? It is convenient to have to haul your baby with you everywhere because you want to go shopping and you don't want to have to be on a time limit? And where in Target is there a suitable breastfeeding spot other than in the bathroom where you have to cover up the automatic flush sensor or you will end up with a wet behind? When I am a breastfeeding mother I feel like all I ever do is feel jealous of the non-breastfeeding mothers who can come and go as they please and just hand a bottle to their baby when they're hungry.

But lately I've been feeling differently. I've really been enjoying breastfeeding Hunter. Even in the middle of the night when he wakes up 6,234,457 times and won't go to sleep without 'lil a tug on jug to send him back to dreamland. I love that he is such a snuggly baby too. Haylie wasn't the snuggliest, so maybe that's the difference. I love that he loves me so much, and that sometimes all he wants is me, even though that can also be a burden. I think that I'll actually miss this time with him when it's over, and so I'm really trying to cherish it while it lasts. He's also doing the really cute/somewhat annoying game where he'll be eating and then he'll unlatch and grin up at me like I just told a funny joke and then he'll get back to business. He'll continue to do this 10 times during a feeding and it's so adorable when we're not in a hurry.

Anyways. I just thought I should actually record the fact that I am in fact enjoying breastfeeding for when/if we have another child and I try to get out of it again.

Back to the Grind

Whew! This weekend was crazy! The weeks since Brandon started work have been flying by and so have our weekends with him.

Hunter has been having some trouble eating baby food. Every time he eats it he throws up but this last week I've been giving him (extremely) small amounts of peaches and he's been doing well with it so on Saturday I decided to add oatmeal at lunch. Bad Idea. We went to the mall after we ate and he vomited repeatedly all over. And it was real vomit, not spit up. Gross. So all of my grocery shopping plans went out the window and we went home to nurse the sick baby.

Then on Sunday Brandon wasn't feeling well because he spent Saturday running errands for me since I had to stay with Hunter so he was going to stay home and keep Hunter too. I was getting ready in my bathroom and Haylie came in and started playing with my makeup brushes, which is normal for her when all of a sudden she starts screaming like a banshee. I turn around and she's holding her hand because she had grabbed my hot curling iron. Talk about feeling like a bad mother. So she stayed home as well.

Church went well with one child and I actually got to listen to the talks! At the end of Relief Society the Primary kids came in to sing a song for the mothers but Henry wouldn't sing. Then all of a sudden he starts bawling. Have you ever sympathy cried? I totally did. I had no idea why he was crying but I started too. I tried to get to him but there were people in the way. So he just cried for the whole song and when it was over I grabbed him. He said that he was crying because the words were too hard and he couldn't remember the words. So sad :(

The rest of the day was great. Brandon made me a delicious dinner of steak, twice baked potatoes, ambrosia salad, corn, and warm, sweet Texas rolls. He made everything all by himself! I was so impressed! AND he got me an entire cheesecake from Costco. What a guy. I even got a food processor as a gift. I am definitely a spoiled mama!

Even though the weekend was crazy and the kids had all kinds of problems I loved every second of it. As time goes by I've really been realizing how much I love and appreciate my kids. I love being a mother and having this wonderful opportunity to raise these beautiful children.

Tired

What were you doing at 5:39 this morning? Me? I was changing one of the most disgusting diapers in the history of diapers.

In other news, Hunter is still not sleeping through the night, he "needs" to eat twice. He's also taken to just waking up around 2 a.m. and screaming. It's been loads of fun.

Next is the good news part

We heard back from the bank again yesterday. They want to do more paperwork. Peter (our
realtor) said it's the paperwork that's usually done close to closing on a house, but he told us to not get too excited (because he's determined to not be optimistic about ANYTHING) but we're excited anyways. I just wish I knew all the terms he keeps throwing out so that I can understand what's going on.

A conversation with a 2 1/2 year old

So Haylie, who was in the process of filling her diaper, loves to hang out at my elbow at all times, especially when I'm on the computer. Here's how our conversation went:

me: Haylie, can you please move away because that smell is making me sick.

H: ok mommy, I will. and when you're done playing your game, you can change my diaper.

me: wow Haylie, that's sounds great. Sounds like a dream come true.

H: no mom, a dream come true is when you say Bibbity Bobbity Boo. And if you have a fairy Godmother, she will say that and give you some glass slippers.

me: oh. sorry. my mistake.



I love Disney.